I will NOT succumb and die by suicide due to despair, as I have almost done many times. Unless it gets too unbearable for too long. I would like to decide when and how to end my life, peacefully, before I descend into dementia. My beloved grandmother told me growing up that she would end her life in similar fashion, but she waited too long, and it broke my heart to see the grandmother I loved disappear while her body was forced to persist so much longer. I would like to die in a forest, or on a rocky coast, in some kind of final performative action.
When I cross over to the other side I hope to embrace the two young women, sisters, who were killed when the airbags on the car I was driving exploded without provocation.